As a side note, last day of the unit was today...and it should be quite a relief. However, what I realize is that I was working as hard and as long as I need to be working on a regular basis. I need to adjust my repair time or figure out a way to balance things so that I can get as much work done as I have in the past ew weeks--only this time more for myself. In retrospect, I can't remember anything I was working on or reading--or at least have lost the rhythm--before all of this started. I need to get back in that mindset and save all my wasting time for when Jill is around or there are things I have to do for me. Right now all of my pressure valve activities are wasteful uses of time. And time is short. Every day I get older and it is one more day I am not working towards my goals. Oh, and I need to establish some goals!

Field proposal for communication, culture, social formation: April 1--with bibliography and web-page set up
Field proposal for global political economy: June 1--bib and web page.

Feeling a bit pressed right now because there is simply so much to do and so little time to do it. Suddenly this course is over and it is time to start planning for the next two (or three if I count the intersession class.) This summer may be a bust of sorts unless I get a rhythm going on these fields. But I suppose it will be good if I am getting paid to teach two courses and getting the experience as well.

I am also feeling a bit pressed because I have so many projects I am working on (or need to be working on) and all of them are feeling a bit trite in the grand scheme of things. Ants marching, building little castles of information and knowledge for the next generation (or someone tomorrow) to knock over (or, I suppose, build upon.) I have less and less faith, however, in the forward progress of humanity: technology may improve, but people keep doing the same stupid s**t over and over. (Not saying s**t here because suddenly remembered I'm posting this to GMU's site and they probably have spiders all over it to catch anything indecent.)

In other news, Catherine, my cousin, has once again landed a great job. She must be amazing and she is obviously the jewel in the crown of her family--and for good reason: it was certainly a group effort in many ways to get her where she is. Of course most of this is the result of her hard work and talent. I hope that this job (working on General Hospital w/ a four year contract) does great things for her and her career. Or, more correctly, I am interested to see what someone as amazing as her will do with a part on daily TV. As talented as she is, she has a passionate flair for melodrama which even the soap opera world may be too small to contain. Either way, I am sure she'll have fun.

(I wish I could be more happy for her--and only just happy for her--but there is this part of me that, again, as always, feels completely inadequate, like I'm not pushing hard enough, which, of course, is true. But then again, catherine is supercharged, magnetized with some rare spiritual force that draws you into her orbit. I don't exude that charisma right now. I need to be screaming more, finding that fire in my gut, being henry not hugo. Henry not hugo. Or at least finding the henry to my hugo and letting him out more.)